Every single thing you do in your life is greatly influenced by your want to make people like you. Maybe you want to be liked by your classmates, maybe you want to be liked your colleagues, or maybe you simply want your family to like you more. But you can’t deny that this want to be liked is a driving force in many if not all of your decisions.
It’s just a part of life. Attraction and likability are what make our world go around. If we weren’t attracted to other people, our race would have died out a long time ago and I don’t just mean the reproduction aspect of it. Without attraction, teamwork and cooperation wouldn’t exist and everybody would live for themselves. But then doesn’t it make you think. If this driving force of attraction is so powerful and is universal. Then why is it that so many people today still don’t enjoy strong relationships? Why are so many people lonely? Why do people not fit in with colleagues at work or school?
I think it’s because you and most people are making mistakes at the first step of the relationship: Initial Contact. This is what makes or breaks you. They say it takes you as little as a tenth of a second to form an impression of a stranger, after which more time spent together don’t significantly alter those impressions (This of course doesn’t mean that if you made a bad first impression its game over, you’ll just have to work harder at it and it might take a bit longer). This means two things:
- Because you judge others so quickly and categorize them, you are constantly missing out on many relationships that could flourish and grow.
- In reverse, you only have a few seconds to leave a positive influence and be categorized as someone the person you’re interacting with wants in their life.
For for the first point it’s your job to be more open minded and see the positives in other people. Everybody has something special and amazing about them and you have always try to find it.
As for the second point, this is what this article is all about. To train you in 10 easy steps to give off a more positive, attractive impression. I highly recommend that one-by-one you begin to incorporate each of these 10 steps into your daily interactions. In the beginning it will be tough and it might take you some time to erase old habits. But I promise that over time as you get more practice you will feel better about yourself and you will start enjoying every interaction.
Here are 10 easy ways to make people like you:
I know this step has become quite clichÌ© but smiling in my books is the best and most powerful way to make people like you. I mean you instantly create a connection with the other person and send the universal message of happiness and pleasure. This message in almost every case triggers a return response from the other person in the form of a smile as well. Think about if from your perspective, if someone you’re talking with is smiling throughout the conversation don’t you also automatically start smiling? Dosn’t the conversation seem more positive and enjoyable?
Another added benefit of smiling is that wherever you smile a small endorphin is released in your brain which promotes a feeling of well-being and comfort. In most cases you tend to associate this feeling with whatever is happening around you. So when the person you’re interacting with smiles in response to your smile, they will associate this happiness with you, instantly making you more attractive,
Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love. – Mother Teresa
So whenever you are in a public or are even at home try to smile as much as possible because it will make not just you but the others around you feel better.
2. Maintain Eye-Contact
Just imagine that you are talking to someone and the other person just refuses to make eye contact. Wouldn’t that make you feel disconnected?
Your eyes play a huge role in making people like you because of how much unsaid communication is done through them. By maintaining eye contact with the other person you project confidence which is universally attractive. Eye contact also signals openness and honesty, which allows the other person to feel more comfortable around you.
Note: Try NOT to glance away multiple times during conversations. It makes you seem distant and it gives off a I don’t really care about thisconversation vibe.
3. Control the Conversation
When you talk try to keep a 3 to 1 ratio in the other persons favor, meaning you only talk 30% of the conversation while the other person talks the other 70%.
This might initially seem strange, but when you meet new people and don’t have much in common this can really help. People are very interested in themselves and we enjoy to talk about ourselves. So whenever you have a conversation let the other person do most of the talking.
In the end you will notice that by talking less you will learn a lot about the other person which you can use in future conversations. With the added benefit that the other person will feel very satisfied that they had a good time talking to you, in turn making you more attractive.
Note: This doesn’t mean that you let the other person control the conversation. Keep control of the conversation by asking questions and responding when needed. Don’t become a plant.
4. Positivity and Happiness
Positivity and happiness are universally attractive and liked. Think about it for yourself. Who would you rather be around, a person who is always worrying and is sad or a person who always takes the glass half full perspective and is contagiously happy?
I think the answer should be quite unanimous.
A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst and it sparks extraordinary results. – Wade Boggs
So going forward try to become a more positive and happy person and radiate your light to the rest of the world.
5. Open Posture
Unless a person is comfortable around you, they will never like you. This is why it’s important that you project a honest, open vibe whenever you communicate with someone. The best way to to do this is to develop an open posture:
- Don’t be tense (closed fists, jaw etc.) and make yourself loose
- Have your arms & legs open and parallel
- Stand up straight and expose your neck and palms
- Always face the person your communicating with directly
- Don’t separate yourself from the world in any way - ex. crossing your arms or putting a water bottle or phone between both of you when sitting
Note: Hunching over or folding your arms and legs are big no no’s, this projects a closed posture which is negative in making people like you
6. Use Body Language
Surprisingly only 7% of communication is done through the actual words you say. 38% is done vocally (pitch, speed, volume, tone of voice) and 55% of communication is done through body language. It’s very important that you master this large chunk of communication if you want people to like you more. You have to learn to fully utilize your entire body when you communicate. This makes you seem so much more vibrant, alive and confident. This might seem small but it makes a big difference and makes the other person feel that you care.
So for example rather than just saying yes you should nod your head, smile, and use the rest of your body to show your approval. Here are some things you should keep in mind:
- Always keep an open posture as mentioned above
- Always smile with your entire face (including your eyes)
- Use hand signals and gestures
- Use eye gestures and facial expressions
38% of communication is done through the tone of your voice.
So whenever in conversation maintain a pleasant tone and try to talk a little bit slower than the other person. This creates a contrast in your speech, which is very effective in making people like you. Also try to utilize the tone of your voice to emphasize on feelings and emotions you have throughout the conversation. This makes your voice more animated and fun and in turn more attractive.
It’s important that you are genuinely interested in the other person, being fake only works so long and it is not at all what my goal with this article is. So whenever you meet someone, make them the center of your universe. For those 5-10 minutes you are speaking with them actually focus on what they are saying and give intelligent responses.
Stop thinking about how hot it is, or what you’re going to do after the conversation finishes and give that moment your everything.
9. Show Kindness and Compassion
Sometimes you focus so much on things that don’t really matter and forget the basics when it comes to attraction. Kindness and compassion. While everything above will make you more attractive and likeable, it will only be temporary unless you cultivate compassion and authentic kindness.
Trust me when I say this will NOT be forgotten on the person and trumps over everything when it comes to making them like you.
10. Be Yourself and Have Fun
The more genuine you are the better it will be for the both of you. So don’t try to be somebody you are not and BE YOURSELF. A relationship built on a false foundation never goes far because one day the mask always falls. So rather than trying to do the above steps in fake bursts, incorporate them into your daily life so it’s who you are every single day.
Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself – and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is. – Jim Morrison
Points to Remember
For some odd reason most people automatically associate likability and attraction with physical appearances. These people have it all wrong. While physical appearances do play a role in likability it is a tiny one and when you get down to it, it is your personality and behavior that really make a difference. Just think would you rather be around a beautiful person with an ugly personality or a normal person with a beautiful personality?
These steps on “how to make people like you” don’t have particular order; put them all together in your unique way to create the ultimate effect.
Hints and Tips
- Look clean and dress accordingly, you wouldn’t attract a high class business person wearing dirty clothes
- Maintain a high level of personal hygiene, it matters a lot (just imagine the last time you spoke with someone with really bad breath, did you find them attractive?)
- Never swear or use foul words, it’s extremely unattractive if for not plain rude
- Never put somebody down in your conversations and treat everybody with respect
- Don’t pretend to be somebody who you aren’t, after a while your veil will fall and that person might not be interested in who you’re not
Good Luck in making people like you!